i've never felt special to people. never do. why do i feel left out most of the time? why do i feel unappreciated by others? why do i feel insignificant? why am i constantly feeling miserable? no one acknowledges me. teachers don't remember my name. people feel oblige to talk or smile to me. why the fakeness? i can't stand it.

i'd rather have isolation than be stuck in a situation whereby i feel immensely left out by the others around me. engulfed in their own private conversations they left me out in the cold. as if i wasn't there. as if i wasn't present. 'do i exist in their eyes?' i asked myself. it doesn't seem so to me.

friends? they are definitely not. friends don't make you feel uncomfortable under your own skin. friends don't ignore your presence. friends don't feel oblige to speak or smile at you. friends care. friends acknowledge. i can't blame any elements of the earth.

it's terrible and i feel awful.